Little feminist boys

On Facebook yesterday, an old friend remarked on a statement I said that peeked her interest. We were discussing the upcoming hallowe’en night and the ridiculous state western culture is in when we think about women and young females choice in costume selection. A Collegehumor.com video was posted in light of it, where all the women’s costumes ranged from ‘sexy pirate’ to ‘sexy Jesus’ and I responded the difficultly that exists in trying to by an un-sexualized costume not for adults but for a girl. I remarked that today it seems easier to raise a feminist son than a feminist daughter. She’d like to know why.

So this is my anecdote. I have no daughters. I have two young nieces between two and four, and my boyfriend has a five-year-old daughter. I am raising a son, who’s presently four years old.

My son is aware of his sex, quite aware, and sometimes to my embarrassment is also apt to inform other people of their sex and why. As a family unit, we read a lot, play games, build, dance, sing and cook. We don’t subscribed to cable TV and I have never bought a Disney movie in my life (more on this another time, I guess). That’s not to say he’s never watch Treehouse TV or movies, as a student and parent, old VHS tapes of Dora the Explorer have saved my life and sanity at times.

My son loves cars, trucks and trains. He has two favourite stuffed animals (a platypus named, “Duckie” and a hippopotamus named, “Nietzsche” … yes, I know). His prefers Dora to Diego. We make necklaces and bake cookies. He loves our pet snake, and thinks her feedings are awesome.

He’s not very naturally athletic, but loves to run and play soccer.  We can wrestle, but he’ll likely become upset quickly. He’s quick to get up and brush off the dirt, try again and forget the pain.

He has a huge sense of justice. As an atheist, it doesn’t surprise me that morality does not come from some divine source, but what does is his extent of positive behaviour. I can honestly only remember two or three occasions in the first three years of his life where he struck or stole. Although I would never jump to an idea of innate morality, perhaps if there existed more children like him I’d jump off the Hobbesian ship.

So why do I think that it is easier to raise a feminist son? In essence, I am already ahead of every person raising a female child. My main goal would be to teach him not to allow himself to benefit from the inherent injustice of females, the life long goal.

I feel at an advantage, because I will never have to combat the early sexualization of girls. I will not have battle the hundreds of thousands of images thrown at young girls, degrading their self-esteem.  I will have to address it, but I won’t worry to the same extent of the damage it will do to my daughter. I won’t have fights over make-up or clothing.

I will get to talk to my son from an outsider perspective, how he thinks it affects his schoolmates at schools that are girls, how he treats his female friendships and relationships and how he can make a difference as a male.

And I know I can succeed. I already get a glimpse of how he sees the world. Mommy goes to school fulltime to help further the family’s socio-economic standing. Mommy is opinionated, intelligent and independent. Mommy is a woman; “she has a vagina” (eventually I will explain the difference between sex and gender, but I’m still trying to explain it to a sexist father). His teacher is woman. His Nana is a teacher  (as is his Papa). I think I already know that I am central to his understanding of the universe. For either raising a son or a daughter, my actions and opinions will translate and be accepted by him. As a feminist, my son will learn to understand and become sensitive to key women’s issues well before most males. As an atheist, he will not be taught the Judeo-Christian male patriarchy line of bullshit. He will be taught that he is responsible for himself.

He will be taught to love. Which is to say is the biggest difference between raising a daughter and a son, for I believe I would say for a daughter, “to love wisely.” Foolish of me perhaps, but as a woman I feel as though I lost more in the gamble when I became pregnant than when my son’s father found out I was pregnant.

………. Oh, and if his future relationships don’t work out, he’ll learn to pay child support. Yeah, there was my personal dig of the day.

--C.

Introduction

            Every once in a while, I come across a woman that says, “I am not a feminist.” Whenever I hear those words trip out of her mouth, part of me wells up with anger. These women qualify their heavy words with the mistaken belief that we women no longer need feminism, women are equal now, we hold the same rights as men, other things are more important than feminism. It is heightened because these women are my peers, young, beautiful and privileged 20 somethings that have world at their fingertips. We are taught that beauty is our power, and instinctively I know that to be at least in part, very true.

          

~

  I am a twenty-three year old woman, a single mother attempting to escape the pink -collar ghetto by fighting her way through school. I absolutely love Lady Gaga, dresses, stilettos and wear make-up. THIS IS WHAT A FEMINIST LOOKS LIKE. I have the knowledge to know that as a young single mother I am lucky to be able to have the luxuries in my life I do. I can provide a home and an adequate living for my son, but most of all I have latent talent to help me escape my present socio-economic position. Most other women with children my age without a partner will ultimately remain in the same position they were in when their child was born.

         

~

   Poverty is rampant in female led single parent homes, “recent Statistics Canada estimates show single-parent families now comprise 15 per cent of all families and more than 80 per cent are headed by women.” (1).  Fifty percent of single parent families live in poverty, which is heightened when the children are young. When Gloria Steinem said that most women are one man away from welfare, it was not said in vain shock humour. We women take a large risk when we open our legs to men. We risk our health, our bodies and possibly our future.

  

~     

     The need for feminism is always present. We only became persons less than a century ago. No one asks why we still need to fight racism and homophobia. To call a black man a “nigger” or “porch-monkey” is a hate crime. To call someone a “pussy” “little bitch” “cunt” are acceptable terms! Almost every insult to a man is relating him to a woman.  A woman can more easily say, “penis” than refer to a vagina. I have yet to see a someone carve a vagina into wet cement, or spray paint one on alley walls.

   

~

         I don’t know how much Hayley Wickenheiser makes, but I’m sure it’s not going to be announced in the 1.6% of sports news allocated to women. ONE POINT SIX. (2).

     

~

       Yes, if lucky, we women can be born with latent talents, just as men are. Intelligence, strength, agility, creativity, beauty are all natural born traits that come in varying degrees of rolled dice and crossed chromosomes. Nothing however is the most desired as beauty. As much I would like to say FUCK BEAUTY, I can’t. I want it. Not the beauty: the power. Fleeting power. Because it’s only as a woman is desired for her beauty, she is in the power position. As men become distinguished, women become aged.  How can woman escape the predicted end result of decades of hard work?

 -- Idetic

Links to Sources

1. http://www.thestar.com/comment/article/288559 - John Cairney

2. http://www.fair.org/blog/2010/07/13/no-room-for-female-athletes-in-sports-news/ - Julia Hollar